The majority of children aged 5 to 14 want to be a short animated clip when they’re older.
Following the rise of the Internet celebrity, schoolchildren have abandoned lofty ideas of being footballers, singers and movie stars in favour of starring in a three-second clip where they fall down some stairs or pull a face that adequately represents a particular emotion.
“I really can’t wait to go viral,” beamed nine-year-old Jack Williams.
“It’s all I dream of doing when I grow up. As long as I can remember I’ve been practising my dramatic facial reactions to fairly mundane events, all in the hope that someone will zoom in on me and record it, and then enshrine me as a standard reaction to shocking news that’s shared on social media. Hashtag shocked.”
Fellow child, Jay Cooper, said, “I have been falling down a lot recently in the hope that someone will catch it on film and make me immortal.
“I did a really good one at a wedding the other day, but when I stood up and looked around, nobody caught it on camera.
“You’d think somebody would have a camera inadvertently on me at a wedding but no, it’s all about the bride, apparently.
“I need to go somewhere where people are really keen to film young boys and everything they do, but I don’t have Roman Polanski’s address.”
Schoolteacher, Elizabeth King, said, “my class is full of absolute bellends.
“I can’t teach them maths while they’re busy practising funny dances and pratfalls. But when I tell them off, I simply give them another chance to practise their shocked faces.”