A man who normally completes his timesheet in a half-arsed, last-job-of-the week-like strop has wowed colleagues and friends alike after his manager confirmed that his most recently submitted timesheet had been filled in accurately, and wholly reflected the work he had done during the week.
Simon Williams, an accounts ledger from Aylesbury, has told how he decided to break from his usual method of putting random amounts of time against the different accounts he’s worked on over the course of his six-year tenure, and ‘shuffling them about a bit’.
“I’d always just thought that the whole timesheet system is a complete waste of time and minerals, only used by HR as a bullshit threat that you might not get paid if you don’t submit it,” Williams told reporters.
“But for some reason, I thought ‘what the hey, I’ll actually fill it in as the week progresses, and have it accurately reflect how I’ve really spent my time at work.”
“Normally my timesheet is a work of fiction Terry Pratchett himself would be proud of, but not this time.
“I really went for it. I deleted all the accounts that shut years ago – and I didn’t even put in any comedy values, like ‘1.5 hours pooing’, ‘4.75 hours talking about last weekend’s/the weekend coming’s plans’, or ‘0.5 hours plotting the downfall/seduction of everyone at work’.”
Williams’s boss, Tam Rinkman, has admitted that although Simon’s immaculately annotated timesheet was a ‘joy to behold’, he’s fairly sure that HR is planning on sacking him anyway, after he forgot to delete that he spent ‘1.25 hours installing hidden cameras in the ladies’.