Kardashians under threat after government pledges to eradicate useless waste of plastic

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A pledge by Theresa May to reduce useless wastes of plastic has placed the Kardashian family in jeopardy, according to reports today.

Reports indicate that the government is very concerned by the amount of excess Kardashian produced every year, and are taking steps to encourage members of the public to reduce their intake.

Suggestions include a 25p ‘bag tax’, which would be applied every time Kim Kardashian tweets a photo of her arse – a measure which would eradicate the deficit by November according to some estimates.

“It’s a huge concern to us that these pointless lumps of plastic can pollute the media, ending up in the intellectual food chain for years,” a spokesman told us.

“Anything consuming this artificial rubbish can find it almost impossible to eradicate from their system, causing sluggishness and damaging their long-term health.

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“It’s vital we stop introducing the Kardashians into the environment and take steps to remove them wherever they appear.”

When asked, a spokesman for the Kardashian industry said that replacing any of their tits with natural products was almost impossible and would severely damage revenues.