Top copulating show-off Sting was said to be disappointed by the news that the subject of his 1981 hit Every Little Thing She Does is Magic has been arrested for being a witch.
Whilst he has long claimed the song is a simple paean to a beautiful girl, many have suspected that he was, at the time, in thrall to a terrible witch and the song is a dark celebration of her evil powers.
“We can confirm that we have taken a 72-year-old woman into custody on suspicion of diabolical witchery,” said a senior officer in the Metropolitan police.
“We have strong evidence to suggest that every little thing she does is magic and specific details of her causing a thousand rainy days and then conjuring some sort of terrifying giant umbrella.”
The offence of witchcraft has been re-established along with blue passports and the crown symbol on pint glasses in the wake of Brexit because those are the issues that DEFINITELY matter.
It is expected that further arrests will soon be made in cases of witchcraft against the subjects of Queen’s A Kind of Magic, Take That’s Could it be Magic and everyone who ever went on The Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour.