A Gorilla channel is a fucking great idea, Donald Trump has told White House aides.
The President learned about the Gorilla channel – or GTV as he’s already started calling it – on Twitter yesterday and immediately demanded one of his TVs be tuned to it, despite it not existing.
Thus far Trump has been placated by what assistants have told him is a looped tape of an ape throwing its own excrement about, but is, in fact, his own bathroom mirror.
”He wants a dozen channels all devoted to monkeys and apes by Tuesday,” we were told. “We’re hoping that we can pass Fox News off as the Bonobo channel as most of their male leads act like randy miniature chimpanzees at every opportunity.
“And we’ve told him the Madagascar films are a documentary, but that backfired when he decided he wanted to feed Kim Jong-Un to a singing and dancing Bronx lion.
“We’re just hoping something else comes along to distract him before he realises we can’t do it, like a major international crisis for him to make worse or his own daughter in a low cut top.”