A gorilla yesterday laughed off Internet rumours that he would be in any way interested in watching a ‘Donald Trump television channel’.
Seventeen-year-old silverback Mombo joked with reporters after a fake article suggesting the Skegness Zoo resident would watch up to 17 hours of footage of the US president in a day, went viral on social media.
“I’d rather shit in my own hand and fling the faeces at onlookers than waste my time watching something like that,” Mombo explained to the assembled press.
“I may be stuck in this pen with bugger all to do, but swinging on a tyre for hours on end and having schoolkids throw stones at me is still way more fun than watching POTUS play endless rounds of golf.
“Besides, he’s orange and has weird hair. That’s more the kind of stuff those orangutans are into.”
The mock article, posted online by a Twitter hoaxer, claimed the primate was going ape for Trump footage because he could relate better to a human whose attributes are more commonly seen further down the evolutionary ladder.
But despite Trump showing tendencies now extinct in most developed homo sapien brains – such as eating with his hands and grabbing women by the pussy – zoologist Simon Williams debunked that theory.
“Despite what you might believe, Gorillas are actually very intelligent animals – some of them know words, the best words,” he said.
“You’d have to be about as clever as a half-dead mongoose to be interested in Donald Trump or believe he could ever build that wall – let alone vote for him.”