Streets of Windsor to be clogged by notorious family demanding free hand-outs

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Windsor residents are bracing themselves for a fresh influx of people demanding money for sitting on their arses all day long.

The Berkshire town fears being overwhelmed by a large, well-known family of ‘layabouts’ this coming May, who are attracted by nothing more than prestigious events on the social calendar.

Meanwhile, council officials are urging the townsfolk not to part with their cash as it just encourages the fuckers.

Windsor Council Leader, Simon Williams, said, “These so-called Royals get trapped in an addictive cycle of living off free hand-outs. The kindest thing you can do is just to say no.

“If you continue to feed their addiction, they’re just going to keep on having kids and expecting you to pay for it.”

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Williams maintains that many of them come from outside the town, having migrated from places like Greece and Germany to live inside their host organism.

However, not everyone is against the scroungers, with local resident John Goodier quite supportive of the family, insisting they bring a bit of colour to the town.

“There’s this older chap ‘Phil’ who’s known for shouting racist slurs at passers-by, but he’s quite harmless really.

“They are just people like you and me, born into a lifestyle from which there is no escape. It’s not like they chose to live like this.

“I’m happy to fund them. In fact a significant amount comes out of my wages every month for that sole purpose.”

He added, “I don’t mind if they’re going to spend it on a yacht or extensive renovations to one their properties, I just wish they’d be honest about it.”