People without a home have no right to sit near a big castle that could easily house them all, the Conservative leader of the Royal Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead council has insisted.
Simon Dudley wrote a letter to Thames Valley police asking if they could kindly sweep up any homeless people near the picturesque castle prior to the royal wedding in May, over concerns that the visual presence of fellow humans who have fallen on hard times might distract onlookers from the glorious spectacle of a lavish wedding paid for out of the public purse.
Speaking to reporters today he explained, “Look, the last thing we want to see splashed across the papers is one of these sub-human street sleepers languishing on a bench in the background of a photo of one of Meghan Markle’s showbiz friends.
“Whilst the public are naturally happy to pay for this wedding, they will be less impressed by the thought of homeless people begging them for money as they line the streets to watch the royals arrive at and depart the wedding.
“That’s the kind of selfish behaviour we can expect from the homeless, and they should be arrested before the wedding to prevent it happening.”
Homeless man Simon told us, “Me being here is just bad luck, innit.
“I just wish I’d been born into a family who people are happy to pay for through money from their taxes.
“A room in the castle would be nice but I’ll make do with a prison cell. At least someone is acknowledging my presence for once.”