After Steve Bannon and Donald Trump began trading verbal blows in public, the children of the alt-right have been forced to choose between the two men they love the most.
With the Chairman of Breitbart criticising the treasonous actions of the Trump family, and the President insisting Bannon lost his mind when he was fired, simpering snowflakes of the alt-right simply don’t know where to turn.
Alt-right activist and all-around dubious character, Chuck Williams, told us, “I love both my Dad’s equally, so this fighting makes me so sad. I believe in both of them, they’re both right about all of the things, so why are they fighting so loudly? It makes me sad in the place where my heart should be.
“I preferred it when the loved each other very much and said lots of nice things about each other all the time. They would look so happy talking about a wall to keep out the Mexicans, or a travel ban to keep out the Muslims, or getting rid of Obamacare because they didn’t like the name.
“I wish they could just sit down and talk through their differences like grown-ups – oh no, now I’m beginning to sound like a liberal cuck, this is having a much worse effect on me than I thought!”
Many American voters have welcomed the latest announcement from Trump, insisting it was about time he focussed some of his energy trying to belittle his fellow Americans, rather than spending so much time on those foreign-sounding folks.
Meanwhile, popcorn sales are going through the roof as spectators gather to watch the latest episode of the world’s most popular primetime comedy, Trump’s White House.