Nick Clegg receives knighthood for services to lying twattery

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Nick Clegg has been named in the New Year Honour’s list after helping the nation’s students towards record levels of debt and lying about it.

Clegg, a former Liberal Democrat leader who campaigned in the 2010 election on a ticket of no increases to tuition fees, promptly went back on his pledge moments after being offered a sniff of David Cameron’s arsehole.

The former deputy prime minister is just the latest beneficiary of an honours system that seeks to reward the efforts of the nation’s most illustrious cunts, paedophiles and Tory donors.

Sir Nicholas now joins an elite list that includes such luminaries as BHS pension-fucker and corpulent yacht-dweller, Sir Philip Green, the genocidal bulldozing cunt, Robert Mugabe, and well-respected children’s entertainer, Sir Jimmy Savile.

Political commentator, Simon Williams, said, “Clegg should feel right at home in what is essentially an end-of-year who’s who list of prominent cunts and arseholes who have kissed the right arses or lined the right pockers along the way.

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“In that context, it makes sense to reward a failed politician whose unforgivable betrayal of students makes Judas Iscariot seem like the kind of salt-of-the-earth bloke you’d trust with thirty pieces of silver.

“Clegg lied about VAT, Sure Start, police numbers, the NHS, the Mansion Tax, Constitutional Reform, the tax cut for millionaires and worse of all, to his own kids about Santa Claus.”

Clegg now plans to make a cringeworthy video in which he apologises over and over again for accepting the award, while insisting fifty grand for a 2.2 in Geography is definitely worth it.