No Americans executed this year after Trump lifts death penalty for saying ‘Merry Christmas’

author avatar by 6 years ago

After years of violent oppression under Barack Obama, during which the phrase ‘Merry Christmas’ was famously outlawed, Americans have this year enjoyed the freedom to utter those words without fear of reprisal.

Under the former President, widely believed to have been a Kenyan atheist, the phrase ‘Merry Christmas’ was a capital offence, with hundreds of citizens being executed on Boxing Day every year since 2008.

The bloody murders of American citizens for simply wishing each other a Merry Christmas was a leading element of Trump’s presidential election campaign, and he has been true to his word by ensuring not a single American was executed for using the phrase this year.

President Trump, a shining example of Christian behaviour and humility, announced this morning, “Giving all Americans the freedom to wish each other ‘Merry Christmas’ is not simply my only achievement – it is by far my proudest achievement, too.

“According to Fox News, everyone was fed up of saying ‘Happy Holidays’, and if there is one thing more important than serious social injustices it is the freedom to offer whatever seasonal greetings you want, even if the Liberals hate you for it.”

He went on, “This year, not one American has had to be martyred for saying ‘Merry Christmas’. No-one. All thanks to me.

“Aren’t I just the best?”

With no apparent negatives to Trump’s presidency, there are hopes that he might remain in power for years to come, until everyone is able to reach the high moral standards he himself has set as an example.