Nigel Farage has been left devastated after being told he is beyond redemption by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.
The Brexit-backing LBC radio host was visited by the three ghostly apparitions during the night.
But after offering him a number of snapshots of his life and what is to come, the spectres agreed there is no way the former UKIP leader has the capabilities of being anything other than a self-serving twerp despised by almost everyone.
“The Ghost of Christmas Past visited first and took Nigel back to the time when he was a fag-puffing, ale-swilling independent school-educated chap with dreams of becoming an MP in fewer than seven attempts,” a source revealed.
“Next up was the Ghost of Christmas Present. He took Nigel on a whirlwind tour of how his life is right now – endorsing the alleged paedophile Roy Moore, championing the return of blue passports and repeatedly telling refugees his country is at breaking point.
“Then the Ghost of Christmas Future showed him how his life will pan out, living lonely and skint in his £4 million Chelsea townhouse and scraping by on the meagre £73,000 annual pension he will claim from the very institution he despises.
“He looked extremely unhappy at the prospect of receiving over six grand a month from people he hates.”
It is understood the ghosts initially believed these visions would help Farage mend his narrow-minded ways.
“But then he saw a tweet from Donald Trump, forgot everything else and devoted all his energy into sucking up to the president,” the source added.