UK businesses to lose £15bn on ‘F*ck-all Friday’

author avatar by 6 years ago

Government analysts have predicted UK businesses will lose more than £15Bn revenue today as millions of workers rock-up and do absolutely nothing for 8 hours.

By midday today, Dave Smith of Harrogate legal firm Leadbetters, claimed to have ‘already finished the Internet’ and is now watching out for new content as it comes onto the World Wide Web.

“There are some very niche sites on the dark web that I haven’t looked at this morning, but only because our company firewalls prevent access,” he said, “but otherwise, I’ve pretty much finished it…I’m now really bored.

“I may do something more traditional later and photocopy my balls or something like that…”

Many others will be sat at their desks frantically shopping for late Xmas presents or ‘Elfing themselves’ to the mild hilarity of the three other people in the office who haven’t chosen to ‘work from home’.

For some less fortunate souls, “F*ck all Friday” will involve a difficult conversation about their behaviour at last night’s office Christmas party.

One such person is Guy Sobers from Birmingham Insurance firm, Insurewise.

“I don’t know at what point I decided to ‘go nude’ and insist the MD danced the Macarena with me on the buffet table,” said Guy, “but it did provide an opportunity to repeatedly tell him what I really thought about the business and the way he was running it.

“I’m hoping that my constructive feedback on his leadership style will be the focus of our discussion later, not my lack of pants.”

What are you doing on “F*ck all Friday”? Let us know below…