Every single Brexiter absolutely convinced they could negotiate better Brexit divorce deal than government

author avatar by 6 years ago

Brexit voter Simon Williams remains utterly convinced he could negotiate a better Brexit deal than the current government after learning of the terms Theresa May has agreed to in the ‘divorce’ settlement with the EU.

As EU negotiators confirmed sufficient progress had been made on the terms of the divorce to allow negotiations to move onto the future trading relationship, Brexiters everywhere are insisting that ‘giving them precisely what they asked for isn’t negotiating’.

The potential £50bn bill is to settle ongoing liabilities that the British government had agreed to contribute to while it was inside the EU, though Williams says they should tell the EU to ‘shove it’.

He explained, “This is just like that one time when Pizza Hut put that tip on my bill – I was not having any of that funny business, let me tell you.

“I told them to shove it, and so that’s precisely what they did. A big victory for me and my common sense approach to negotiating. End of story.

“The EU is just trying to pull a fast one by slipping £50bn in at the end of the bill in the hope we’ll just pay it.

“But they can’t make you pay it, I looked it up; it’s the law. Not the law according to ‘experts’, the law according to my mate Nigel in the pub.”

Williams went on to explain that the Brexit negotiations are a lot like when he got divorced.

He told us, “Yeah, both sides were a long way apart, so I just refused to contribute to the mortgage I’d happily signed up to a few years before, and we lost the house.

“I now live in a rented bedsit and the former missus has had to move back in with her parents. Win-win.

“So if they want any tips, just give me a bell on the mobile.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!