‘We’re doing just fine’ says head of nation where armed toddlers kill more people than Islamic terrorists

author avatar by 6 years ago

Following his late-night tweet to Theresa May boasting that the United States is ‘doing just fine’ with regard to radical Islamic terrorism, Donald Trump has clarified that relatively speaking, the threat posed by terrorists is low compared to that posed by two-year-olds with access to guns.

The official twitter account of Number Ten yesterday criticised the President for sharing Islamophobic videos from the hate-group Britain First, prompting him to throw all his toys out of the pram at once and tweet the Prime Minister directly, telling her to focus on fighting terrorism instead of him.

Trump later clarified, “Look, Britain is full of no-go areas, where Muslims run around daily shooting people and cutting off heads. Theresa needs to sort her own country out before she has a go at me.

“Thanks to my travel ban, we in America have got radical Islamic terrorism under control. If we are going to be killed, we’d rather it was by one of our own.”

He gabbled on, “Did you know that Americans are more than twice as likely to be shot and killed by an armed toddler than a Muslim?

“Our amazing nation is now so great that armed children are a bigger threat to American lives than ISIS. We must be doing something right, that’s all I can say.”

It is understood that the Republican party are arranging a Christmas treat for NRA toddler members to visit the White House, in the hope that an accidental discharge might solve their embarrassing Presidential issues once and for all.