UK’s response to EU Brexit demands leaves other countries suddenly very keen to ‘negotiate’ trade deals

author avatar by 6 years ago

Brexiteers are claiming vindication today as their prediction of nations clamouring to make deals with post-Brexit Britain came true following the announcement that David Davis spent six months talking tough before giving the EU exactly what it wanted.

London’s embassy circuit was abuzz with attaches clamouring to start talks on a variety of topics.

Maria Guillermos, the Argentinian ambassador, explained she was extremely keen to discuss the Falkland Islands with members of Theresa May’s government.

“We have a proposal which is that Britain concedes Argentina’s complete sovereignty over the Malvinas and pays for the costs of transition.

“In exchange, we will buy your marmalade and put an Emperor penguin on our 10 peso banknote. We’ll let your newspapers insult us for six months and then set a date for the handover. Sounds fair?”

A spokesman for the trade delegation from India was also desperately trying to kickstart stalled talks.

“We will gladly offer a free trade deal to our old friends the British but we insist on free visas for Indian nationals studying in the UK.

“And we will impose stricter controls on your annoying gap year backpackers. While we’re at it, please get your celebrity chefs to stop lurking around our spice markets looking like sex tourists who got lost.”

The USA has yet to make any formal comment on eventual trade agreements but a source inside the Trump administration was confident the UK could join NAFTA in exchange for “switching to the dollar, accepting US corporate law and letting Ivanka be something classy like a duchess.”