Tuesday 28 November 2017 by Lucas Wilde

‘Oh, chav-tastic’ sighs Prince Philip

Prince Philip welcomes Meghan Markle

Prince Philip is delighted to be welcoming another commoner into the family.

The Tywin Lannister of the royal family responded to the news of Prince Harry’s engagement with a pained smile, followed by a long, hard stare at a portrait of King George IV.

“We told him, and he kind of sighed and asked everyone to leave the room” claimed Royal Aide, Simon Williams.

“I’m not sure but I think I heard him screaming into a pillow.”

“I think he’s happy for Harry, but in the same way I’m happy that my son has gone to university to study Sports Science; you’re glad they’re happy, but the thing that’s made them happy isn’t really good enough.”

“We’ve reminded him that Meghan Markle is a successful actress, but the fact she’s done a day’s work in her life basically puts her in line with a street-sweeper as far as Phil is concerned.”

“He asked for MI6 on the phone and asked them to “work on a second draft, just in case”, although I’m not really sure what that meant.”

Prince Philip is said to be preparing for the wedding by spending some time in a cordoned-off section of Primark, buying lottery tickets and learning about football.

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