Prince Harry is to marry actress Meghan Markle, meaning he will be having the mother of all stag weekends.
The member of the Royal family you’d most like to get drunk with will be throwing a hell of a do, likely to cost in the region of £20million to the UK taxpayer once strippers, alcohol, performing midgets and ambulance costs are all taken into account.
“And someone is definitely going to die,” confirmed palace spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“Either through alcohol poisoning, choking on a stripper’s pube or just through pure exhaustion, we are anticipating a fresh corpse on Monday morning.
“Not that this will impede Harry’s fun – in fact, he’s got a pool going as to who will end up snuffing it.”
Friend of Harry, Jay Cooper, said, “I am frightened.
“I’ve been out with Harry before and I wound up in a coma.
“I’m absolutely going to make sure that my will is up-to-date before I pop along to Harry’s House of Hardcore.
“The last thing I want is to shuffle off this mortal coil with the knowledge that my ex-wife has got the Porsche.”