The rich, dark tan sported by a BMW driver was actually caused by him sitting an eighth of an inch from other people’s rear lights all the time.
Beemer owner Simon Williams, whose car is usually to be found right up the arse of some other poor road user, told friends that he got his tan whilst skiing.
However, Simon has in reality spent so long right up to the ruddy glow of your rear bumper that he’s in danger of getting skin cancer.
“Simon always looks so tanned, we thought he must put in hours at the salon or maybe go on holiday a lot,” friends told us.
“But it turns out that he just spends all his time doing eighty right behind some terrified Honda driver on the M6, bathing in the warm glow of their desperately flashing brake lights.
“We expect him to get even more tanned as winter gets wetter and people start using their fog lamps more – apparently they’re great for that ‘just back from the beach’ look so long as you’re never more than a foot from them.”