President Trump spends afternoon killing all Thanksgiving turkeys previously pardoned by Barack Obama

author avatar by 6 years ago

Donald Trump has spent his final afternoon before the Thanksgiving break slaughtering by hand every single turkey pardoned by former president Barack Obama.

Despite pardoning two turkeys himself yesterday, per White House tradition, Trump has labelled his predecessor’s actions as those of a ‘soft liberal do-gooder unwilling to dish out the necessary punishments as required’.

As such, the current president spent approximately ninety minutes this afternoon dispatching ‘true justice’ to the many turkeys pardoned during the ‘weak’ Obama administration.

As one witness explained, “It was quite the sight for those of us fortunate enough to see it.

“I would best describe it as something of a frenzy of blood and feathers, as the President eschewed standard practices such as neck-wringing or a stunning, in favour of chasing them around the yard with a freshly-sharpened cleaver.

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“He might be an old man, but he can still chase a fat turkey around the garden when the blood-thirst takes hold of him.

“The President was quite out of breath by the end and just stood there for the longest time, steaming in the cold, surrounded by dismembered turkey carcasses and splattered from head to toe in turkey blood.

“But he did look happy that he had finally got one over the former president.”

White House press secretary Sarah Sanders confirmed that President Trump was continuing to make America great again by correcting the mistakes of previous administrations.

She explained, “For too long America has been seen as a soft touch, and this President will do whatever is needed to make turkeys take America seriously.

“And if that means the President chasing large birds around a yard while slashing at them with a large bladed implement in the name of old-fashioned American justice, then so be it.”