Popular stationery outlet Paperchase has confirmed a fall in sales of precisely 0%, following a boycott by Daily Mail readers.
The boycott comes after the company pulled all future advertisements from the paper.
The decision emerged after customers pointed out that advertising cards offering “tidings of comfort and joy” next to Katie Hopkins slagging off some underprivileged children probably isn’t the best of ideas.
Despite the boycott, Paperchase has seen no fall in profits, after it emerged that no Mail reader has ever engaged in reading or writing other than that carefully checked by Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre, who meticulously ensures no facts have accidentally crept into any articles.
Many Mail readers offered their intellectual insights into the decision, with reader Simon Williams demanding to know “Who the hell are they to decide where they put their adverts?”
Meanwhile, part-time journalist, and full-time waste of space Piers Morgan took to Twitter to let everyone know they won’t be seeing his intolerable face in a Paperchase anytime soon, a prospect expected to drive many new customers into the store.
The company hit back at this announcement letting Piers know that “based on the popularity of our new desktop cactus selection, we feel the store already has enough pricks in it as it is”.
I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)