by 
A teenage boy has poured scorn on his father’s assertion that there was a time that popular singer Morrissey wasn’t a massive twat.
Simon Williams, a nose hair topiarist from Chelmsford, mentioned that Morrissey was both a hero and a poet when he was growing up.
“Yeah, that’s just bollocks, though, isn’t it,” said a sceptical Simon Williams Jnr.
“I mean, Morrissey? The right-wing Brexit bloke who doesn’t like Pakistanis and thinks that Kevin Spacey is a brilliant man?
“The one who said your leather sofa is worse than the holocaust, that Morrissey? There is simply no way that he was ever not a twat. It’s just a scientific impossibility.”
Simon Jnr believed that his father was attempting to play a trick on him.
“Yeah, Dad’s such a nob, he’s always telling me stuff like that to wind me up. Like, there was a time he played for West Bromwich Albion or that Prince Phillip had a successful chart career.
“Or that there was a time when young people had a fair chance of a decent career and prospect of buying a house.
“He’s just mental.”
Simon Jnr’s father, Simon, repeated the assertion
“No, Morrissey was great. Meat is murder, Panic, The Queen is Dead. He was. Definitely.”
A flicker passes across his face.
“At least, I think he was. But it does seem that with everything he says and does nowadays, it’s likely that, in reality, he was always a massive twat and just used to be better at hiding it.”
