Following the highly publicized relocation of the European Medicines Agency to Amsterdam due to Brexit, the EU agency has been swamped with offers to help them find “pure barry skag”.
Simon Williams, head of Human Resources for the EMA.
“We’re getting some applications from people we work with peripherally like cleaners, security guards and the such – mostly pleas not to leave them behind in a zero-hour Dickensian society.
“But mainly we get people texting us to explain that they met a guy on stag-do a while back and he sorted them all out with really good molly. Quite a lot of them are from Scotland. I guess it’s the Europhile sentiment.”
Asked how the move as perceived by the staff of the agency, Mr Williams explained that once the original shock had passed people decided to make the best of it.
“It hurt to be fair. People are going to miss their hour-long commute with TfL. A sedate cycle along a canal doesn’t quite prepare you for work in the same way.
“Also, many wonder if Amsterdam residents are going to deliver the same level of simmering hostility that Londoners are so good at.
“In the end we just have to brace ourselves to live in a charming European capital with a great airport.
“We’re also looking forward to scoring some decent weed without having to spend twenty minutes swapping mockney banter with some arsehole called Dazzy.”