Angela Merkel has promised Germany strong and stable government in the natio- oh Christ she’s got less of a mandate than Theresa May.
Merkel, who is widely seen as the lynchpin which holds the EU together, has completed negotiations which will allow her to form a government and oh God oh God it’s all going wrong.
German politics is regarded by most of Europe as a sedate, pragmatic affair, where differences are ironed out in a series of negotiations by level-headed politicians who everyone else envies for their.. there’s going to be another election?
“As expected, Angela Merkel’s superior negotiation prowess has quickly resolved any disputes and oooooh what the hell just happened?” said on-the-spot Newsthump correspondent Simon Williams.
“This woman, who is seen as the leader of the west and a safe pair of hands in an era of turmoil will continue to give leadership and please tell me this is wrong, someone?
“Countries like Britain should learn from the example of sensible, sedate Germany where unexpected governmental failures simply do not… oh my God what’s going to happen now?”