Scottish Labour have denied appointing a Westminster puppet after Parker off Thunderbirds was announced as their new leader.
Parker, who is best known for being a comedy working-class sidekick to Kezia Dugdale, said he was completely independent of influence by Jeremy Corbyn and denied he came with ‘strings attached’.
“Parker brings a lot of relevant experience to the role, including an idea of how to cope in the middle of absolute disaster areas where all seems lost. Which is pretty much day one here, frankly,” we were told.
“To be fair his usual solution in the past has been ‘leave it to a bunch of guys in blue’, but that’s not maybe what we’re after here.
“We’re hopeful his lockpicking abilities might come in handy in resolving any funding issues the party in Scotland might have anyway.
“Plus with Ruth Davidson and Nicola Sturgeon about, he’ll probably be saying ‘Yes milady’ a lot, so he’s got all the important skills already.”