The only well-regulated militia in the United States has issued a desperate call for members after discovering gun owners are oddly reluctant to join it.
Supporter of the constitution Simon-Bob Williams formed the militia and laid down strict regulations for members to follow so fellow patriots could follow the vision of the founding fathers, only to be disappointed when the expected flood of recruits failed to materialise.
Describing his regulations as ‘tough but fair’, Simon-Bob said that he expected members to maintain a decent level of physical fitness, be courteous at all times, and not let their children play with their guns.
“Right now it’s just me and my family,” he told us.
“And to be fair they’re only coming along because it’s dad-time and they’d never really see me otherwise.
“All those guys out there are really vocal about their constitutional rights, so where are they? I was hoping the local NRA chapter would all join on the spot, but when I called in they called me a freak and told me to get out.
“The only people who’ve shown any interest in joining were a bunch of black and Hispanic guys who say that the role of a militia in protecting the people against the government is really speaking to them right now.”