A man has successfully hidden having no meaningful personality of his own by criticising things other people love for his entire adult life.
By being relentlessly negative about popular things, 38-year-old Simon Williams of Kettering has managed to disguise his lack of any interesting personal qualities from even his closest acquaintances.
Holding forth on subjects diverse as Game of Thrones (shit), your favourite band (shit), popular sports (shit) and your new car (shit), Simon can be relied upon to belittle anything which brings even the slightest joy into your life, whilst loving nothing of his own.
“Yeah, it’s because popular stuff tends to be dumb and a bit shit so only thick people like it”, he told us.
“If you’re smart you can see how it is and I just say it. The new film you like? It’s shit, mate. And your new bird? Fat slapper.
“I wish I liked anything real as much as I enjoy sucking the joy from other people’s lives. God, I’m so empty.”