Leading figures in the First Church of Greggs have responded angrily to the sidelining of sausage rolls at Christmas.
Followers of Greggology have expressed outrage after nativity scenes across the country were stripped of their high-calorie pastry focus out of ‘political correctness’.
Archbishop Simon Williams asked those gathered in celebration, “Do you not know the tale of how Greggs fed the five thousand with a reasonably-priced catering contract?
“With but five loaves and two small sausages they somehow gave everyone a sausage roll, with no loss of quality.
“And Lo! Glad tidings of great joy were brought forth, as Steak Bakes were two for a quid, and there was a great rejoicing amongst the multitude of the faithful,” he said from his pastry pulpit.
“Take, eat, for this is my cheese and bacon wrap, which I give unto you for one pound twenty to honour the covenant between us.”
Devout members of the congregation have backed the church’s position, insisting that the giving and receiving of sausage rolls can be forgotten when people are too focused on a magic man in a red costume who somehow has flying pets.
As one told us, “If you take the sausage rolls out of the nativity then all you’re left with is a thinly-veiled morality play with a tediously predictable ending.
“Any any suggestion that people who don’t believe in Greggs aren’t capable of morality is offensive rubbish.”