Zimbabwean army takes principled stand against corruption after losing valuable kickbacks

author avatar by 7 years ago

The heroic Zimbabwean military has clamped down on corruption after discovering Mugabe’s successor was set to give their concessions to someone else.

Senior officers took the decision to intervene in government after discovering officials planned larceny on a grand scale and didn’t intend to cut them in.

Soldiers moved in after it was revealed Grace Mugabe planned to divvy things up differently when she takes over, leaving many senior military figures concerned they may not be able to afford a third Mercedes.

Describing several ministers as ‘thieves’, officers placed a number of highly-placed government figures under arrest for planning to steal Zimbabwe’s natural resources from their rightful owners, themselves.

”There will be a short transitional period before free, open and fair democratic elections return a government chosen by the people from the highest bidder,” said military spokesman Colonel Simba Williams.

NewsThump Best sellers

”Our 19 And 20-year-old veterans of the war of independence deserve your support, and rest assured you’ll give it to them.

“And I say this to the noble ordinary people of Zimbabwe who have endured so much. Our intervention cannot possibly make you worse off than you already are.

”Which could be either good or bad, depending on how you look at it.”