“This is not a coup” says man in military uniform who seized television station at gunpoint

author avatar by 5 years ago

Zimbabwean television viewers have been reassured there is no coup by a man in a uniform with a gun.

Speaking on behalf of the new, tank-driving provisional government, the spokesman said that all those soldiers going around taking important people into custody is a short-term measure and things will be back to normal before you know it.

Blink and you’ll miss it, he added reassuringly.

However, international experts have reported faint hints that all is not as it seems, citing tanks, guns, arrests on unspecified charges and the national leader being taken into custody ‘for his own protection’.

”It’s subtle but we think there’s more happening than the new, beret-wearing TV anchor is letting on,” said Professor of Whoa That’s Totally A Coup studies, Simon Williams.

”Coups have certain consistent qualities, including armoured vehicles on the streets, a curfew, the head of state vanishing, and your new News at Six anchor wearing a uniform and a firearm of some variety.

”Often these people wear aviator shades and a big hat which looks like a seagull has taken a huge gold dump on the brim.

”This stuff can be quite technical so it often takes an expert to spot it.”