Atheists admit they could be lured into religion if nativity had more sausage rolls

author avatar by 6 years ago

Any religion that promotes delicious pastry meat products is worth a second look, according to atheist groups this afternoon.

After Greggs put a large sausage roll at the heart of the nativity as part of a highly-criticised Christmas marketing campaign, non-religious people have claimed they’d be happy to look again at any religion where tasty snacks remain the centre-piece.

Atheist Simon Williams told us, “My personal belief when it comes to religion is that anything that can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence – which is why I don’t believe in any deity and consider all the sky fairies to be equally ridiculous.

“But I do believe in sausage rolls, I have seen them, touched them, and eaten them – and I have gathered copious amounts of evidence that prove their value to humankind.

“If more religions went about worshipping foods, I’m sure they wouldn’t be declining so rapidly.

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“Personally, I’d go out of my way to attend a weekly meeting where all we did was worship kebabs.”

Greggs have apologised to any religious fanatics offended by the use of a sausage roll in their Christmas advert, but have welcomed news of a growing number of potential atheist customers.

A spokesperson said, “We genuinely thought putting a sausage roll at the heart of the nativity would delight the god-botherers. Who knew they’d be such snowflakes?

“But we’re not precious, if it hooks us a few more atheists into our stores, then we’re delighted.

“I reckon if we can get a few steak bakes down their necks we’ll have customers for life.”