We’ve actually got your money already, Keurig tell protesters

author avatar by 6 years ago

Keurig coffee makers have reminded morons that if you’ve got one to smash then they’ve already got your money, thanks very much.

Supporters of alleged paedophile Roy Moore have been smashing their coffee makers in a public display of unhappiness after the manufacturer pulled advertising from radio and television shows that defended him.

However, protesters appear to have entirely forgotten that they’ve already given the company their money so they’re harming nobody but themselves.

“We’re very grateful to protesters for buying our products in order to protest against us,” a spokesman for the company told us from a platform made of hundred-dollar bills.

“We’d encourage them to continue to be outraged and offended by our actions in the run-up to the launch of our new CoffeeTron 5000, which will retail for eight hundred bucks and make a lovely ker-boing noise when you throw it downstairs.

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“Why is it always coffee in these fuckwitted protests? It’s like Anti-Capitalists buying their Mocchachino Lattes from Starbucks and then standing outside with placards saying how evil that sort of thing is.

“It’s like there’s some kind of inexplicable coffee/simpleton crossover.”