There are actual squids that can take over things brains and make them want to be eaten, Sir David Attenborough has confirmed.
Attenborough, who said it on telly so it must be true, added if that’s not all kinds of fucked-up he doesn’t know what is.
Speaking in his trademark breathy tones filled with wonder, Attenborough told us that “The Hypno-squid glides majestically over the remarkable world of the coral reef before making its skin go kind of all widdly-woo widdly-woo and eating the shit out of some crab whose brain it’s turned to jam.
“It’s like something out of Guardians of the Galaxy but proper real and not made up.
“Who knows what goes inside the minds of these incredible tentacled horrors? It’s probably something like ‘I’m a Hypno-squid and I’ll do what the fuck I want’.
“Leaving the Hypno-squid aside for a moment, there’s also something which looks like spaghetti which eats shark’s eyes and 300-million-year-old killer ambush worms that look – and act – much like you’d imagine Piers Morgan’s cock.
“Isn’t nature wonderful?”