Donald Trump insists he believes bear after it told him ‘I did not shit in the woods’

author avatar by 6 years ago

Donald Trump has tweeted his support for an under-fire bear after it assured him in a behind-closed-doors meeting that it definitely did not defecate in the alleged wooded area.

Trump met the bear despite criticism at home and abroad, where evidence is mounting that the bear not only shit in the woods, but did so on many occasions and across several months.

However, Trump took to Twitter to reassure his followers that following the meeting he had no reason to believe any shitting took place and that the failing media is only trying to stir up trouble for him and the bear.

“Every time the bear sees me he says ‘I didn’t do that’, and I really believe that when he tells me that, he means it.”

Trump also spoke to reporters to clarify his position, insisting that the bear had no reason to lie.

He told the press following him in Asia, “The only people who are lying about me or the things I’ve said are the Democrats, Hillary Clinton, the FBI, Robert Mueller, the women accusing me of sexual assault, the mainstream media, the judges, gold star families, the Bush Presidents, the CIA, James Comey, Puerto Rico, Barack Obama, the wives of fallen soldiers, George Papadopoulos, the NSA, climate change scientists, anyone I don’t like and anyone who disagrees with me.

“But this bear? No, he’s definitely telling the truth. I looked him in the eye, and I believe him. The massive shit that everyone agrees he did, was definitely not his.”

Supporters have welcomed the President’s clarification, explaining that his statement should put the matter to bed.

Trump fan Chuck Williams told us, “The President said the bear didn’t shit in the woods, so the bear did not shit in the woods.

“I don’t care what the experts say – simply lock’em up for treason if they continue to dishonestly question the word of our dear leader.”