David Attenborough just making animals up now

author avatar by 6 years ago

Many animals in the latest series of Blue Planet, including the Great Yorkle, the False Killer Whale and Hamburglar’s Antelope, were actually ‘made up for a laugh’ by David Attenborough, reports suggest.

BBC insiders indicate that ‘more than half’ of the creatures shown in the series don’t actually exist, and admitted suspicions had first been raised by Attenborough stifling giggles whilst describing the life-cycle of the Flaccid Pantworm round deep-water vents.

Sources at the BBC admitted that until that point they’d just been taking Attenborough’s narration on trust and didn’t actually know how many of them were actually real.

“We don’t know how much of his narration is just bollocks,” concerned Producers told us.

“Here, in the wilds of the deep ocean, creatures stranger than had previously been imagined roam free,” guffawed Attenborough in one visually spectacular sequence.

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“In these depths, the Flaccid Pantworm patrols its territory, guarding against the Belming Dopefish, the Ravenous Orange President Squid and the Clam-diving Facefish.”

Editors are now working through the footage trying to work out where Attenborough has been just yanking their chain.

“It’s a huge job. We’ve got him talking about the Gobbler Mussel, the Eighteen-foot Shrimp and the Wriggling Dongfish,  and the shit that lives in the deep ocean is so messed up any one of them could actually be real.

“To be honest we’ve got doubts about Sharky McSharkface as well, come to think of it.”