“Every time I clap my hands, I save a tenner in taxes” says Bono

author avatar by 5 years ago

Bono has been implicated in a tax avoidance scheme.

The sanctimonious shit at the front of U2 has been using a shopping mall to drain someone else’s money in a similar manner to your ex-wife.

“This isn’t my fault,” said the ‘singer’, clapping his hands the entire time.

“I trusted my accountant to be an honourable person, while also telling him to save me as much money as possible by any means necessary.

“He suggested buying a supermarket in Nowhere-land would be a good investment, so I did that. How was I to know that such a scheme would prove corrupt? I hadn’t even looked into it. I was quite busy forcing my new album onto iPhones worldwide.

“I’ve just clapped my hands twenty-three times, by the way, so that’s £230 I’ve saved just now. I’m good at maths as well as music. You should love me.”

A tax-paying normal person, Jay Cooper, said “Like most people, I’ve always hated Bono for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on.

“It’s nice to have something to point at, at last.”