Christmas ruined as Santa Claus named in Paradise Papers

author avatar by 6 years ago

Christmas has been ruined for many people after Santa Claus was named, along with the Queen and other well-known names, in the so-called “Paradise Papers”.

Santa himself has so far refused to comment, but expert lawyers said that “despite his offshore affairs being cleverly structured to avoid paying even one chocolate coin in tax, he has done nothing illegal.”

However, tax campaigners said that the man who is to so many ‘the face of Christmas’, should set a higher moral standard, especially as the fund is said to invest in the ethically dubious tobacco, arms, adult entertainment and Bobby Davro DVD industries.

The move is particularly damaging as it comes just weeks after his employment practices and treatment of animals came under fire.

A former elf-turned-whistleblower said that he forced his team to work around the clock to ensure there were enough toys for all the good boys and girls on Christmas morning, many with little or no pay.

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He also revealed that Reindeer had to fly longer hours than allowable under aviation regulations.

“These revelations mean Christmas will be ruined for many hard-working families,” said John McDonnell, the shadow chancellor.

“Not only will they not be able to enjoy the Queen’s speech this year, but it turns out that despite his ‘man of the people’ image and long white beard, Santa is no Karl Marx.”