Following the revelation that the Texas church shooter was a white man, the US government has confirmed that now is not the time for new laws, politics, or a gun control debate.
If the man had been a foreign-born Muslim, then it would have been the time to abandon political correctness and call for immediate action, probably by being insulting to anyone of Muslim faith – but he isn’t, so we won’t.
“Yeah, so every week in the US, when there’s a new mass-shooting, we have a pretty robust set of guidelines,” said Simon Williams, the US Secretary for Mass-shootings, one of the busiest government posts.
“Key thing is to establish race and religion. If the guy is dark-skinned Muslim then you want to bring in something fast that’s humiliating or insulting to Muslims – arbitrarily ban some of them from entering the country, saying turbans are gay, that sort of thing.
“Yeah, we know turbans aren’t exclusively a Muslim thing, but you think Donald Trump’s core support also knows that?
“However, if the shooter is a white guy then we say nothing as he might later turn out to have been a Trump supporter, so we take the focus off him, and instead we offer all our thoughts and prayers for the victims.
“Then we say nice things about the NRA and blame crooked Hillary for something, and by that time there’ll have been another shooting and the process starts over.”
Currently, the President is touring Asia, but it is expected he will personally respond to the tragedy by playing golf.