Brexit negotiations to be final task on this year’s Apprentice

author avatar by 6 years ago

One group of clueless idiots will replace another when the negotiation of Britain’s EU divorce settlement is handed over to the finalists of The Apprentice 2017.

The last two remaining candidates will have a single day to negotiate a Brexit deal, assisted by the hapless twats who’ve already been fired. The finalist who negotiates the least devastating deal will then be crowned the winner.

The show’s producer Simon Williams said, “Like any other task on the Apprentice the candidates are basically being set up to fail in order to maximise the entertainment value for our viewers.

“With such a limited amount of time to complete an almost impossible task they will inevitably make a complete pig’s ear out of the deal. But they’ll be no worse than the government, and at least this way we’ll get the bloody thing over and done within twenty-four hours.”

Exclusive clips show Lord Sugar’s prospective business partners offering up the vestiges of the UK manufacturing industry in return for a baguette and giving exclusivity on UK-bound immigration to the Germans, none of whom actually want to come here.

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Lord Sugar himself said, “If the Brexit process has to be a shambles run by muppets then I might as well try to make a few quid out of it.

“We can then start the process of rebuilding the British economy, hopefully by flogging car radios out the back of a van down the single European market.”

SPOILER ALERT: This article contained spoilers for the final of The Apprentice 2017 and should not have been read by those wishing to keep it a surprise.