Bank of England believes thought of 75,000 bankers losing their jobs will sadden public

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The Bank of England believes that Brexit could cost around 75,000 finance jobs and that your average man on the street will somehow be sad about that.

The institution made the announcement as a precaution for a no-deal Brexit, which could see thousands of investment bankers, hedge fund managers and other synonyms for “wanker” being forced to work abroad.

“These are the ones who spent all the money which led to that whole austerity fad that meant the local swimming pool shut, yeah?” said 24-year-old Nuneaton resident, Simon Williams.

“Yeah, I’m not going to put my hand to my mouth and gasp at that one I’m afraid.

“I’m sure the mass exodus of some of Britain’s brighter financial minds will be of grave concern for those privileged enough to be affected by such things.

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“But I was a refuse collector before Brexit, I’m still a refuse collector now and I’m sure bins will still exist after Brexit. It is, however, harder to get hold of anyone from the council due to austerity cuts.

“So, forgive me, but I hope all of their planes crash on the way to Switzerland.”