Theresa May’s weekly briefing on parliamentary sexual harassment now takes entire week

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The weekly briefing given to Theresa May on sexual harassment in Parliament currently lasts for a week and is expected to grow longer as further revelations emerge.

“Look at the people involved,” said a spokesperson for the Prime Minister

“I mean, my God, they’re MPs, so they’re profoundly odd at the best of times, couple that with the fact that the majority of them are public schoolboys who don’t even realise that there was a second gender until they got to university, and you’ve got quite a rum bunch.

“So, obviously, the weekly briefing on sexual harassment is going to take quite a long time. Although the fact that it takes an entire week probably is a surprise, and we’ve got a couple of staffers coming in on Sunday afternoon to prep for it.

“All we need is one more cretin calling people ‘Sugar-Tits’ and the PM’s going to be missing Saturday Kitchen.”

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There are fears that Theresa May’s determination to be fully briefed on all sexual harassment by MPs could prove too greater workload for any one person.

“It’s certainly looking that way,” confirmed the spokesperson.

“I think that what we’re going to have to do is set up a completely separate Ministry of Sexual Harassment by MPs and fork the workload over to them.

“Then once a week the PM can be briefed on any sexual harassment taking place in the Ministry of Sexual Harassment by MPs.”