Everyone wishing that woman who ‘found herself’ would lose herself again

author avatar by 6 years ago

A woman who insists on telling everyone how she ‘found herself’ on a new-age retreat can lose herself again anytime she likes, according to reports today.

28-year-old Simone Williams awoke her inner spirituality on a 4-day retreat to the New Forest and now is shoehorning it into any conversation she possibly can.

“I asked her if she’d like a cup of coffee this morning and she told me it might interfere with her energy flows,” said co-worker Sally Harker.

“And crunch creams can unbalance her chakra, whatever the fuck that may mean.

“We’ve got a meeting about writing a business plan this afternoon and she’s already suggested that we try a non-hierarchical structure which will allow everyone to reach their true potential.

“Fingers crossed that sort of bullshit will get her fired pretty soon because it’s doing my head in.

“Christ, she’s just started showing the intern how to chant her mantra.”