Secret files released today prove that President Kennedy was assassinated despite the presence of a second armed man.
Hitherto secret files, supposedly revealing new clues about President John F Kennedy’s death, have been released this week.
However, conspiracy nuts and the National Rifle Association have been disappointed to learn that it was simply another tragic gun death that could not be foreseen or prevented, despite the presence of a second armed man.
Full-time conspiriologist, Chuck Williams, pointed out, “For years it’s been common knowledge that JFK was assassinated by elements of the Illuminati with help from the mafia, the reptilian overlords, big tobacco, Marilyn Monroe and CIA blacks ops directed by Philip K Dick.
“In fact, we thought there were no less than eighteen people shooting at him.
“However, the NRA quickly debunked that theory by pointing out that a disturbed loner would have quickly been neutralised by any other armed people in the vicinity.
“But these new files have completely blown our collective foil hats off. There was a second shooter on the Grassy Knoll. Were the NRA lying to us the whole time?
“Could a crack marksman trained by the US military have shot someone? Is the ‘good guy with a gun’ theory a cover-up?
“The truth is out there…”