Getting told to ‘f*ck off’ will be the easiest trade negotiation in history, maintains Liam Fox

author avatar by 7 years ago

The International Trade secretary has doubled down on his controversial claim that a post-Brexit trade agreement with the EU will be a smooth process beginning with the UK asking for complete status quo on trade agreements before being told to go choke on a thick one.

“There is no reason it should be complicated unless the EU wishes to punish Britain for saying it’s a useless tyrannical entity that is hell-bent on finishing what Hitler started,” began Fox.

“Then they might try and bog us down in eurocratic details like what happens at the Irish border and if families will be ripped apart by deportations.

“But we project a quick process, whereupon we will insist on complete market access without paying a penny towards the upkeep of the system and a refusal to abide by any of the rules. Then the EU will tell us to sod off. It’s an hour’s work, tops,”

Asked if this cliff-edge Brexit would cause irreparable harm to British business, Dr Fox insisted British resilience would quickly turn the economy around.

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He went on, “There are many simple things people can do to thrive outside the Single Market.

“For example, if your undeclared income from Azerbaijan to lobby for the end of EU sanctions dries up, then focus on your contacts with corrupt Sri Lankan war criminals.

“Make pennies count to offset any rise in prices. If you have a live-in friend that travels with you everywhere in a completely platonic way then ask him to contribute towards rent. It’s all about having a positive mindset.”

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