Donald Trump to release classified JFK files as soon as staff finish writing ‘Obama did it’ on every page

author avatar by 6 years ago

Donald Trump has agreed to release classified files related to the JFK assassination, just as soon as his team have finished editing them.

Despite the files being scheduled for release in 2017 since early 1992, Trump is taking credit for their release, but not before they’re brought bang up to date with his unique interpretation of the truth.

Trump told our White House source, “Sure, when I was just a TV personality, no-one believed my lies about Obama, but now that I’m the President I can create any evidence I want. Unimpeachable evidence, right at my fingertips.

“If the JFK documents, when I release them, show that Obama did it, then everyone will finally believe me that Obama is a sad, sad, loser, and stop liking him way more than me.”

West Wing officials revealed that they had placed a bulk order of Sharpies, and that staff have been working late getting through boxes and boxes of files for the last week.

One office administrator from inside the White House told us, “It’s exhausting work, but incredibly rewarding. Being part of the Trump White House is something I will look back on with pride when I eventually retire, definitely.

“Well, retire or leave because he fires me, which I’m probably due for, having worked here for three weeks now.”

Conspiracy theorists have also welcomed the release of the JFK documents, insisting that releasing documents that were due for release anyway means Trump is definitely not part of the deep state controlled by George Soros.

Dwayne Williams told us,”Trump is nothing like that Obama cuck – you watch, it wouldn’t surprise me if it turns out he did it!”