Still reeling from the wake of Storm Ophelia, a battered Britain bracing itself for Storm Brian has been told by the Met Office, “Always look on the bright side of life”.
“Somethings in life are bad,” Met Office spokesman Brian Williams admitted. “They can really make you mad.
“Other things just make you swear and curse.”
But he advised, “When you’re chewing on life’s gristle, don’t grumble, give a whistle,” and went on to add, “and this’ll help things turn out for the best.”
He was then joined by a chorus of Met Office staff, who recommended that the public “always look on the bright side of life,” and “always look on the light side of life.”
When asked if the Met Office expected the storm to be very serious, Mr Williams said that they weren’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition.
“If life seems jolly rotten,” he then added, “there’s something you’ve forgotten.”
He explained, “And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
“When you’re feeling in the dumps,” he went on, “don’t be silly chumps.
“Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing.”
His colleagues confirmed his upbeat advice.
“Always look on the bright side of life,” they repeated. “Always look on the right side of life.”
The spokesman admitted that Storm Brian could bring casualties. “For life is quite absurd,” he conceded, “and death’s the final word.”
But his advice to viewers was sanguine.
“You must always face the curtain with a bow,” he recommended.
“Forget about your sin,” he said. “Give the audience a grin.
“Enjoy it, it’s your last chance anyhow.”
In breaking news, Storm Clive and Storm Derek are forecast to hit the UK later this week.