Scots to discipline children by sending them to England

author avatar by 6 years ago

As Scotland bans smacking, parents north of the border are punishing children by threatening to send them to England.

Faced with the prospect, reports are coming in of children writing to the Scottish parliament begging for the reintroduction of the cane in schools and a regular clip round the ear off their da’ in preference.

Meanwhile, campaigners are protesting the development, pointing out that at least the marks from a thrashing fade with time but a trip to England can scar you forever.

“This just teaches the next generation that going to England is acceptable, perpetuating it through the generations,” one letter said.

“I telled my kids, you’ll be good or it’s off tae Kettering with ye, and they all broke down in tears,” said Simone Williams from Dundee.

“There’s nae tablet nor Irn Bru nor Tunnocks tea cakes there, and their sausages are the wrong shape, the Sassenach twats.

“You should have heard them greeting! They were good as gold all afternoon.

“Or quaking in terror, which is just as good.”

A spokesman for the Scottish Parliament said that the move was an ‘unforseen consequence’ of the smacking ban, and you had to hand it to Scots – if you ban one thing they’ll only think of something worse to do.