Will you idiots please stop trying to create Skynet, the world begs Google

author avatar by 7 years ago

Without a hint of regret, the members of Google’s Deep Mind AI project have cheerfully announced that their newest creation has taught itself how to master Go, a zero-sum game where the objective is to wipe your opponent off the map.

Deep Mind’s spokesperson said that now their program has taught itself to think in terms of opposites and annihilation, they will allow its potential to be used in the field of drug creation and virology.

Professor Simon Williams a cybernetics expert at MIT, explained that the declaration illustrated that people with stratospheric IQs could still be “unbelievably fucking dumb”.

“We all know the Terminator references but sentient computers eradicating humanity is not just a Hollywood fantasy.

“People like Elon Musk or Stephen Hawking have warned that AI is the greatest great to humanity. And note that the clowns at Google didn’t bother to set up Asimov directives so it could never hurt us.

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“It gets better. They made it a program and not a machine, so that any dickhead with a USB stick can unleash it upon the world. What if it goes on the internet? Have you ever read a comments section? After ten minutes on Reddit even well-adjusted people want to exterminate the human race.

“It would take one look at Donald Trump and conclude that we would all be better off as slaves to the machine.”

Responding to the reported fears, Google, a company who thought “Don’t be evil” was too restrictive a mission statement, asked the world to trust it.