Ireland is preparing for unprecedented weather conditions after Met Eirann said it might stop raining there for the first time since 1177BC.
The Irish climate is described by meteorologists as temperate, predictable, and characterised by horizontal drizzle, meaning government agencies lack the resources to deal with a freak outbreak of sunshine.
Ireland has issued a plea for international aid, insisting that it is simply not prepared to deal with warm and pleasant weather.
Aid agencies are scrambling to respond by offering dry-weather clothing and emergency training in how to take a cagoule off.
At RTE, Ireland’s national broadcaster, weather forecasters are in a state of panic after discovering they don’t have any “sunshine” icons for the weather map.
“People across Ireland are huddled around their televisions waiting for updates,” we were told.
“A front of terrifyingly clement weather is sweeping across the Atlantic and threatens to engulf us in distressingly enjoyable and pleasant conditions which will allow people to dry their washing outdoors.
“I tell you – if this keeps up we’ll be having to explain to people what the round yellow thing in the sky is, and our science budget won’t stretch to that.”
Locals are reported to be hoping the freak weather blows over soon and they can spend the rest of the year wet-through as usual.