Philip Hammond’s job under threat after his opponents accuse him of being traitorously sensible

The Chancellor of the Exchequer may be facing demotion as several MPs conspired to label him a ‘rational person’ making ‘common sense plans’.

Although she is an old friend, Theresa May could be compelled to sack Mr Hammond if the whispering campaign to portray him as a level-headed pragmatist succeeds.

JRM, an MP who wishes to remain anonymous, explained that Philip Hammond had repeatedly sabotaged cabinet meetings by steering the discussion away from how shit the French are, towards the likely economic consequence of given policies.

“He is another bubble dweller who simply does not understand the will of the people.

“17 million Britons voted against rational economic decisions yet he keeps showing spreadsheets and talking about loss of tax revenue to Frankfurt and other niggly details like hyperinflation, mass homelessness and food riots.

“Brexit needs believers not wet blankets. Get rid of him and put in a man with a good track record of oblivious cheerfulness and crass xenophobia, like Boris Johnson.”

A spokesperson for Philip Hammond denied the Chancellor was trying to water down Brexit in order to preserve the well-being of the nation.

“Philip Hammond is 100% behind Brexit and thinks it’s a brilliant idea to walk away from 40 years of lucrative trading with the most prosperous economic union on earth while having nothing else lined up behind.

“He is, and has always been, someone who will gladly commit great self-harm just for the fleeting satisfaction of insulting a foreigner.”